We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
