Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
