I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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