Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize