remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
