If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
