just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
