At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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