someone get that fucking seahorse.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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