dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
