don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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