mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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