"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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