I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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