just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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