her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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