How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
love makes seman taste better
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
