hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
