how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Green mimosas i think yes
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Randomize
