Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
