i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There's even glitter on my cock...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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