He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
