Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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