Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
