Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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