so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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