i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
