so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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