My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he puts the penis in happiness.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
