hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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