just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
