Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
