I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
