hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
