so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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