I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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