I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
