I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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