Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
