i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
