If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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