i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
