I'm jealous of your bromance
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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