I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
