so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
