This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
