Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
