woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
