Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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