There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
