we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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