I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
