Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
