the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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