youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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