At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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