don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
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Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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