I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Pooping to opera.
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